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August 14, 2015

The Three Most Psychotic Moments of My Pregnancy

Pregnancy...ahh...it's beautiful in one million ways...but there's also a certain level of cra.zy. that goes along with it - at least for me.

I have loved sharing the ups and downs with you, but today, let's chat about a few crazy moments that I've had this time around the block. Of course I've had more than just a few unstable moments (Can you relate?), but I think I'll focus on The Three Most Psychotic Moments of My Pregnancy.

Psychotic Moment #1 - "It's a Girl!" 
As we entered the ultrasound room (me...David...Caleb...Isaac...my mom...my dad...yep, we were all there.), we were excited to find out the gender of our third little one. I had felt so crummy...so different...so I knew that the chances of hearing "It's a girl." were high, but we were also somewhat prepared to hear that we were having another boy. I just love boys! We love having little boys - of course a third one would have been a-okay...but after being sick for a few months, a small part of me hoped it was a girl as I had decided around 1:58pm on January 25th, 2015 that I never, ever, ever wanted to go through morning sickness again.

When the nurse explained that it was, indeed, a girl, I have to admit that we felt a little shocked. This was going to be a whole new ballgame for us! The hormones (Oh my!)...the menstrual cycles (What will the cost of tampons be in 15 years?)...the upcoming wedding (30 years from now...at least)...it was all a lot to take in at once. What on earth were we going to do with a girl? In my slight panic...I started to cry a bit...partially over the rising cost of tampons...but also because I was so stinkin' excited that God had gifted us with another little one....because I was so stinkin' excited that I may get to share with my daughter what my mom and I have...because I was so stinkin' excited that I was going to get to help my daughter plan her wedding...in 30 years or so.

Propped up on the ultrasound table, I blurted out our little girl's name - and watched my sweet mama tear up when it sank in that we were giving our baby girl the name that they had given me (as my middle name) so many years ago. Such a sweet moment, friends!

Anyway, a few days later, I decided that I would pop in one of our local kid's consignment shops to see about finding my baby girl a little something special. Thanks to the amazing deals I have found while yard saling, thrifting, bargain shopping, etc. it's not that she necessarily needed anything in particular. I have been buying things for her for...well, a few years, actually...but I wanted to do a little browsing anyway...just to celebrate our "It's a girl!" news.

I entered the store...bypassing the boy section that I typically hit up first thing...and made my way to the girl's clothes. What.in.the.world? Now listen, I have loved dressing my boys - plaid Baby Gap shorts with a Ralph Lauren Polo shirt and bam! Adorable. But this girl section was more than just shirts and shorts - the bows, the leggings, the tutus, the bloomers (Is that what I'm supposed to call them?), the hats (Hats?! What?!). Ya'll, I couldn't deal with it.

Friends, I am in a stage of life when I can barely get my hair brushed...or my deodorant applied...how on earth am I supposed to keep up with SOMEONE ELSE'S tutu? Needless to say, this browsing excursion of mine resulted in a near panic attack. My chest began to tighten...My breathing became labored...Tears began to fill my eyes...I bolted out of the store [empty-handed]...called my friend...and when she answered, I exclaimed, "I can't do this."...and as I proceeded to tell her about my shopping trip, she laughed at me...She laughed and laughed and laughed...and it was the perfect reminder of why I had chosen to call her. I knew she would bring me back to whatever smidge of sanity I might have left.

Psychotic Moment #2 - "Furniture Shopping"
For each baby, we have traveled south to the same store...to shop the same furniture department...for the same type of crib/dresser 1/dresser 2 combo for each of our nurseries.

Why this store? Because they except 20% off coupon discounts on each piece of furniture we buy - It's a total no brainer for us.

The first time we did this (in 2011), all went well. Great customer service. Easy delivery. One minor issue with a dresser, but it was quickly resolved.

The second time we did this (in 2013), everything went okay. The customer service was tolerable. We had a couple of delivery issues...and a couple of issues with a dresser, but in the end, everything turned out okay.

The third time we did this (in April of this year), it was a nightmare. We quickly chose a set that would work for our baby girl. We had our other two little ones with us, so there was no time for lollygagging. (Do people still say lollygagging? Anyway...) I needed the gal at customer service to quickly take our order and our coupons and send us on our way. I waddled over and sat down in a chair at the customer service desk. About five seconds in to my interaction with this employee, I knew that things were not going to go well.

Have you ever encountered someone that grates on your nerves so badly that you literally want to scream? Have you ever dealt with someone that literally can not absorb anything that you're saying? Have you ever been forced to interact with someone that is twelve fries short of a happy meal? Ladies and gentlemen, it was literally unbearable.

I began to rock back and forth in my chair. I began to fan myself with my stack of coupons. I began to turn bright red and get choked up on my words. I began to have trouble breathing. And my tendency to hormonally sweat? Well, it started to get out of control.

Thankfully, David was there...sitting next to me...and he quickly realized that this gal and I were not making a deep connection. Well, we were about to connect alright, but not in a good way.

He asked if I would like to go stroll around the store while he finished the transaction. (I have never loved that man more.) I picked up my purse and began to stroll (or waddle) around the store. There were a few other items that I had intended to look at while I was there (especially since we had made the 40-minute drive to this particular store), but my current state of mind was not allowing me to enjoy this shopping experience.

As I walked around the store, I saw the floor to ceiling displays (no exaggeration) for breast pumps, nipple shields, baby bath tubs, bottles, pacifiers, diapers, - I started to feel as if the entire store was closing in on me. As I looked around, I spotted several first time parents lovingly choosing items for their registry, carefully selecting the perfect organic mattress for their sweet pea, wavering back and forth as to which baby monitor they should buy, (some of them had even given in and decided to purchase a wipe warmer!) and I wanted to get up in their faces and scream, "Nooooo!!!" I started to picture myself turning over the displays of baby food and stomping every package of pacifiers I could find.

Is this normal behavior for a pregnant woman? I'm not sure. In the moment, I knew I was losing it. I knew I had crossed the line from stable to insane. But I couldn't help myself. Boy am I thankful that when I can't help myself, I have a sweet hubby who willingly handles annoying customer service employees, stacks of coupons, and 19 follow-up phone calls as we are still waiting on one of those stinkin' dressers to arrive.

If you are now considering an intervention for me, you may be wise. #sendhelp

Psychotic Moment #3 - "Could it Be a Boy?" 
Preparing for a third child has been a little different than preparing for baby #1 or even baby #2. This child is getting all of the hand-me-down baby gear - though I do think we've at least remembered to wipe most things down with a Lysol wipe. Being the first girl, she is getting new clothes (Well, most of them have been worn before, but not by anyone in this family, soooo....), but most of our baby prep has involved moving kids' bedrooms, reorganizing closets, etc.

Her furniture (except for the missing dresser - See Psychotic Moment #2) is ready to go - We even went ahead and bolted it to the wall for her toddler years to come. Her window treatments have been hung. A few pieces of decor are on the walls. But the majority of my time has been spent doing her laundry and prepping/organizing her closet.

One afternoon, as I was hanging some of her dresses (and yes, some of them do have matching bows...and bloomers...See Psychotic Moment #1), it hit me: What if she's a boy?! What if the ultrasound they did back in April was wrong? What if the tech got it wrong? What if I am getting ready to bring a little boy home to a room full of pink and closet full of dresses?

I quickly walked out of the nursery - slamming the door behind me - and I did what any daughter does in a time of crisis. I sent a text to my dad:

Me: What if this baby is actually a boy?
Dad: Then you'll need to pick out a new name.

Why are men always so much more stable than we are?

I would love to say that the insanity has stopped there, but it really hasn't. As I find myself in the final weeks of this pregnancy, I am hyper focused on keeping my kitchen counters clear (Don't you dare come over here and leave your water glass sitting out on my counter!)...I am continuing to make freezer meals (just one or two here and there as I can, but still)...and I am doing weird things like heading to Wal-mart (nightmare) and stocking up on an additional three year supply of toilet paper...just in case we don't leave the house again until 2018. 

As I mentioned earlier, please send help. 

Much Love,
Elizabeth