All Kinds of Things: I blew it

This past week was a stressful one around our house. It was time for the one-year warranty repairs to be made to our house - nothing major...just caulking/touch-ups on molding, repairing expected nail pops, etc. We scheduled the repairs for Monday morning - as David would be off that day. The workers had a 4-hour window in which to work (8am-12pm), and everything started off smoothly; But by dinnertime Monday evening - seeing that the workers had barely made a dent in the list of tasks for the upstairs, it was clear that they were NOT going to finish that day...or the next day...and probably not the next day. My house was gradually being turned upside down, but that evening, I was too tired to think much about it. For dinner, we ordered an overly greasy pizza - as the contents of our pantry were stacked in the middle of the kitchen; and at bedtime, we put the boys down in their pack-n-plays - as their beds were inaccessible. David and I were forced to sleep in the spare bedroom - as our bed was also not able to be accessed. We were cranky, but hopeful that the next day would bring more progress. That evening, I contacted the building company to make them aware of the lack of progress that the workers had made. I had calm and kind communication with them, but calm and kind definitely does not describe how I behaved the next morning.

The next morning, I made the trek upstairs and tried to find something to wear. This was quite the task as my closet had been completely emptied and all of my clothes had been piled up in the floor and covered in plastic. As I was getting ready, I started noticing dry-wall dust...lots of drywall dust. I realized that we would be dealing with this at some level, but it.was.everywhere. I glanced at my bathroom counter and realized that I could write my name in the layer of dust on it. I reached for the circa 1990s set of hot rollers that I use on the days I "get ready", and when I saw that there was drywall dust covering the lid...and drywall dust on my "Jesus Calling" day-by-day calendar...and drywall dust on my toothpaste tube, I completely lost it! Something triggered inside of me, and I flew completely off the handle! It hit me that I was going to be facing an absolute mess in every.single.nook.and.cranny of my house. The builder had promised that they would send a crew to tackle the clean-up, but in my mind (at the time), there was absolutely no way the cleaning crew was going to clean everything to my liking, and I totally panicked!!

I started ripping and roaring through the house - tearing pictures down off the wall - covering my appliances in plastic - cramming boxes of cake mix into my oven - carrying furniture out onto the front porch - folks, can you picture this insanity? My husband began to fear for his life! As I jerked open the front door of the house to literally throw area rugs down the front steps, there stood the morning work crew, and you should have seen the looks on their faces! I think they thought I was throwing my husband out of the house or something - and they looked completely terrified to approach the house.

Once the workers finally gathered enough courage to come inside, it was clear that they had gotten the memo about the mess that had been left the night before (Thank you, David, for placing a phone call regarding this issue.), and they went above and beyond to make sure things were better covered,

and when the cleaning crew arrived at the end of what had turned in to a three-day project, they did an incredible job!

Please tell me you have had moments like this...moments where you completely lose it. The aftermath of the workers being at our house was irritating... annoying... frustrating... exhausting; but the aftermath of my flip-out session was much worse. I had to apologize to my husband...I had to apologize to my two-year old. I said things I regret (not the really bad words, but things you should never say - especially in front of your children)...I acted out of frustration and anger...I did not allow the Holy Spirit to control my actions and words - I completely blew it, and I am so, so thankful for grace...grace from husband who is so very patient with me...grace from my little boy who hugged me when I told him I was sorry for getting angry...and grace from my Savior who never, ever turns me away when I come to Him after failing...yet again.

I wish I would have claimed the truth found in the lyrics of this song:

Who am I, that the Voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me.

Maybe you do not struggle with freaking out over things that - when you look back - are very small in the grand scheme of life, but I do. Satan knows that when I get uncomfortable (like when my closet and pantry have to be totally emptied out [some people do not have clothes to wear or food to eat]...and when I can't sleep in my bed [many do not have a place to lay their head at night]...and when I can't access my kitchen appliances [there are some who would give anything for a warm meal]), I get upset, and he loves to attack me in my weakness. This past week, I let him win - but I am so thankful for a Savior who has the power to overcome all of that. I pray that next time, I will look to Him and take my eyes off of my very, very petty circumstances.

Thank you, Lord, for second chances...and third...and fourth...and so on~

Receive grace and let it wash away all shame and guilt from every unhealthy choice you've ever regretted and fretted over. Yes, there is work to do and progress to be made, but we will walk from here with a clean slate. This grace and the unfathomable depth of God's love settle me. Breathes hope into my dread. And trust into my doubts.So when I stumble along on this journey, I know this grace is there for me, and I will come running back. And once again, it will give me a soft place to land.

February 21, 2014

I blew it - big time!

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